Till Death Do Us Part
by LittleBritainFanatic
Summary: When their lives change for the worse after Maggie becomes seriously ill, she and Judy have to find a way to live with the knowledge she may never get better.


Maggie knew that it wouldn't have happened to Judy: Judy was such a hypochondriac, often getting seriously worried about something that turned out to be totally minor, that she would have got herself checked out long before it got serious. Judy wouldn't have ignored the signs that something was wrong, letting herself get more and more het up about it. Judy wouldn't have let herself get so ill that she nearly died before getting dragged to hospital. But she wasn't Judy Pike, no matter how much she wished to be like her sensible, intelligent, if slightly overly emotional, partner (and soon to be fiancée). She was Maggie Blackamore, meaning she was selfish, and always tried to convince herself that she wasn't ill even when she was because, as hard as it was to admit it, she was scared of going to the doctors. Maggie didn't know why, but just thinking of visiting their GP made her heart race, and her chest tighten with nerves.

So, Maggie knew that had it been Judy who found the lump in her neck, she would have gone to the doctors the very moment she found it, and would have most likely been so worried she'd cry and tell Maggie all about it. But she, being the idiot she was, tried to ignore it, preferring to be in denial than to have to admit that there was the slightest possibility that something was seriously wrong.

Maggie's skin had been itchy for a few weeks before she discovered the lump, and she did so whilst scratching her itching neck. She remembered that morning very well; she remembered feeling the small, raised lump for the first time, she remembered the initial panic as she wondered what on Earth it was, but, most of all, she remembered the feeling of absolute dread that flowed through her as the panic died down. As she gently touched it, Maggie tried to tell herself it was nothing, but there was a niggling voice in the back of her mind saying that lumps were almost always bad news; you didn't need to be a doctor to know that. She was unable to shut that voice up, no matter how hard she tried.

Of course, at no point did she think to tell Judy about it: Judy would only panic and make the situation spiral out of control. She might have made her go to the doctors, and Maggie couldn't handle that. Judy would have to prove she was seriously unwell before Maggie would let her drag her to the doctors. And, as there was no proof apart from the lump - which was probably nothing - there was no way Maggie was going yet. Yes, Judy would have to stay in the dark. Anyway, what Judy didn't know couldn't upset her - well, that was what she kept telling herself. So she just kept the disturbing knowledge to herself.

Although she tried not to think about it, Maggie stood in front of the bathroom mirror every evening, just staring at the lump, and thinking of how to disguise it so Judy wouldn't notice it. She often lost track of time as she looked at her reflection, running her hand down her neck and letting the painless lump slide underneath her fingers. She didn't understand why she was so fascinated by something that terrified her.

She couldn't hide everything from Judy though, despite her attempts at covering the lump up (which included wearing scarves and high collars on her blouses). A few days after the lump was first brought to her attention, Maggie's itchy skin got substantially worse, and she son noticed a rash in the form of small,red spots had began to appear on her skin. The she could hide the ones on her chest, and even her arms and legs, but when they appeared on the side of her nose one day, she was unable to stop Judy spotting them. And when she did, there was only one thought running through Maggie's mind: _oh crap!_

"What's wrong with your face, Maggie?" Judy asked cautiously. She sounded incredibly nervous, and defiantly felt it too. Wondering what was wrong with Maggie, Judy stared, transfixed at her rash, trying to work out what it was - the marks on Maggie's skin were the wrong shape to be spots, but too small to be something like measles. She was clueless, but one thing was for certain: she was scared.

Maggie was prepared for this to happen, for she knew that Judy was going to ask about the rash sooner or later, and it was better for them both if Maggie had a lie to explain it. "I had a reaction to that face wash you bought me last month, Judy." She replied almost too quickly, her reply well rehearsed. But although she was sure Judy believed her - after all, she had been very convincing - Maggie still felt guilty for lying to her girlfriend. Being in a relationship was all about trust, wasn't it? And she just kept breaking that trust with lies.

But was it really a lie? That face wash did make her skin feel very dry, which may have been the reason for the rash and itchiness, and that meant it wasn't a lie, just an extension of the truth. Yes, that had to be it. At least, that's what Maggie told herself, for, as long as she believed that the rash and the lump weren't related, she could still kid herself that she was fine.

The whole time Maggie spent thinking this through, Judy eyed her strangely, clearly not as convinced as Maggie thought (or, rather, hoped). But, as Judy always tried to avoid arguments with her partner, she just apologised in her usual fashion, and left it at that. She wished that Maggie could be more open with her.

But it seemed that Maggie couldn't keep Judy in the dark for long, because when they went upstairs to bed that night, Maggie found herself badly out of breath after doing something as simple as climbing the staircase. This had happened to her before, but never in front of Judy, which made her heart beat even faster, making the whole situation worse. She was gasping by the time she collapsed onto the double bed, her lungs feeling like they were going to implode. Even so, Maggie managed to croak out an "I'm fine, Judy," before Judy, visibly terrified, could even open her mouth. This time, Judy was so worried she gave up on trying to stay in Maggie's good books, and decided to challenge her.

"What's wrong, Maggie?"

"Nothing, Judy," She insisted as firmly as she could, her voice much quieter than usual. "I'm just tried, honestly," She said it sincerely, but Judy took it the wrong way, looking hurt.

"You would tell me if anything was wrong, wouldn't you?"

The guilt was stabbing her in the stomach as she knew she had to deceive Judy again, but she still did it. "Of course, Judy," Maggie lied convincingly, giving Judy a kiss.

Even so, when she woke up early the next morning, absolutely drenched in her own sweat, Maggie still chose to quietly change her nightdress rather than wake Judy up to explain what had happened. Anyway, night sweats weren't serious, they were just an irritating but harmless symptom of the menopause. She knew this was true because she'd had dozens over the last few months - but never this bad.

It turned out that changing her nightdress still managed to attract Judy's attention; Judy was clearly much more observant than Maggie took her for (probably because Judy wore thick glasses, and Maggie presumed that her eyesight was still awful even when wearing her specs). As soon as Judy had put her glasses on, she only glanced at Maggie for a few seconds before noticing that Maggie's outfit had changed.

"Why are you wearing a new nightdress, Maggie?"

Unable to think of an excuse this time, Maggie just shrugged. Her guilt was still present from the night before, and it made it impossible for Maggie to look Judy in the eye. She couldn't bear it. But if she had met Judy's gaze, Maggie would have seen a mix of fear and concern in her large brown eyes. Judy couldn't put her fear into words, but was totally terrified about her girlfriend's well being. In fact, she was actually more worried by Maggie's detail than if she would just tell her the truth. Because, no matter what Maggie said about it, Judy refused to admit that getting a rash and being breathless were perfectly normal things to be suffering with.

Leaving Maggie still trying to think of an excuse for her very strange behaviour, Judy headed into the bathroom, deep in thought. As soon as she shut the door, Judy began to rifle through the laundry basket, investigating for herself what Maggie wasn't telling her. She eventually found Maggie's other nightdress at the very bottom - obviously an attempt by Maggie to cover her tracks. But she clearly hadn't done so very well. When she picked it up, Judy was shocked to find the nightdress absolutely drenched in what smelled like sweat.

Alarm bells began to ring in Judy's mind. She felt was absolutely no way that these night sweats that Maggie was clearly having weren't really bad news - nobody healthy sweated that much. Something had to be wrong with Maggie, _her_ Maggie. Thinking about this made Judy's heart race, and she soon found her head swimming. sitting down on the bath to steady herself, Judy began to run all of Maggie's symptoms (using that word was a mistake: it made everything seem so much more serious) through her mind. Bad night sweats, breathlessness, and a rash. And these were just the ones she knew about; Judy realised that there could be several more symptoms that Maggie had managed to hide from her. She definitely wouldn't put it past her. She easily came to the conclusion that there was something seriously wrong with her girlfriend, but, being Maggie, she hadn't bothered to tell her. At first, knowing that Maggie hadn't told her hurt, but Judy soon realised that Maggie was scared, just like her. Maggie obviously had the mindset that if she ignored something, it wasn't true.

After a while, Judy gave up on wallowing in the thoughts of Maggie being ill and possibly not caring about her, because she knew that, if something was wrong with Maggie, fretting over it wouldn't change anything. It was futile to worry about something she could not control. Judy washed herself as quickly as she could, but doing so meant she was careless, and she managed to get soap in her left eye. Eye burning, Judy groped blindly for her towel, her eyelid going into spasm and tightly squeezing itself shut. It certainly didn't help that her right eye's vision was much worse than her left, so at the moment, she was almost blind. When Judy finally found her towel, she scrubbed as much soap off her face from around her affected eye as she could, but it still stung horribly. After spending several painful minutes rinsing her eye with warm water, Judy's vision was restored (as much as it could be with vision bad enough to need glasses). But her eye was left red and bloodshot, much to her irritation. She hoped Maggie didn't think she'd been crying.

When Judy, complete with watery eye, finally ventured back into the bedroom, she found that Maggie had managed to regain her composure, for she was now off of the bed, and drawing the curtains. This bathed the room in bright sunlight, but it didn't make Judy feel happy as it usually did. All the sun's rays did for Judy was highlight how pale Maggie was, and made the rash seem a lot more obvious. Taking a deep breath, Judy said her name as seriously and calmly as she could, wanting Maggie to know how important her following statement was going to be.

"Maggie." It was barely above a whisper, but she was still heard.

Turning her head towards Judy, Maggie's face was full of nerves and apprehension. "Yes, Judy?" But she still responded calmly, if with a bit more tension in her voice than usual.

Crossing the room slowly, as she was still feeling unsteady, Judy took both of Maggie's large hands in her own, interlocking their fingers as she always did. She hoped this simple gesture of normality would keep Maggie calm. "We need to talk." Was all she said.

They were both soon sat back on the bed, still holding hands. Well, it was more like Judy was still holding Maggie's hands, for Maggie's fingers were limp in Judy's grip, and she made no effort to squeeze Judy's hands back. Judy told Maggie how worried she was about her, all the time looking at Maggie's eyes. But Maggie stared as if transfixed at the floral patterns on their bedspread when she insisted that she was fine. It was as if she was unable to meet Judy's gaze as she lied again. That would certainly explain why her guilt had returned, which instead on stabbing her hard in the stomach whenever she lied.

Judy, however, took this another, but not necessarily wrong, way. She considered Maggie's constant denial to be an attempt at reassuring herself. It was as if Maggie really believed that if she denied the proof that she wasn't well, then everything would be fine. Which, in Judy's defence, was true to a certain extent.

Although she had tried to stay in control of her emotions throughout the conversation, Judy couldn't take it any more. She just had to voice her real fear, or she felt she would explode. "Please, Maggie," She was near tears; a lump was rising in her throat, and Judy knew she would last much longer without bursting into tears. It was in moments like these she really envied Maggie's lack of emotions. "I don't want you to die."

Now the dreaded word had left her mouth, Judy found horrible images running through her mind, despite her best efforts at ignoring them. Maggie in hospital. Maggie on life support. Maggie flat-lining with the letters DNR stamped on her file. No one trying to restart her heart. A doctor pulling a sheet up over her head...

"Judy!" Maggie shook Judy's shoulders hard, finally jerking her out of her horrible daydream. As tears were now running down Judy's face, Maggie realised just how much she'd obviously scared herself, and hugged Judy firmly. Resting her chin atop Judy's head, Maggie smiled fondly, wondering how Judy always managed to get herself in such a state.

When Judy pulled away from her partner, she'd stopped sobbing, but the distress was still clearly visible on her tear stained face. "I'm sorry, Maggie," Judy sniffed, and wiped her eyes on the hem of her nightdress. She shook her head hard to get rid of her disturbing thoughts. But they didn't go completely, just lurked in the back of her mind. Judy knew that she wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight.

"I'm not going to die, Judy, I promise," Maggie insisted, once again begin stabbed by her guilt. "It's probably just an allergy or something like that."

Judy was totally unconvinced, but Maggie said it so sincerely that she began to wonder if Maggie might have been telling the truth. It was unlikely, but Judy just wanted it to be true so badly that she said, "Are you sure?" If Maggie was correct, she knew she could stop worrying, and that was really why she said it.

"Yes, Judy," Maggie lied, before pulling Judy into a kiss.

Judy forgot about her worries as Maggie kissed her, allowing herself to be lost in the kiss. She closed her eyes and leaned into her girlfriend, the action pressing her closely into Maggie warm, comforting body. She wrapped her arms around Maggie's neck, allowing the kiss to be deepened and a soft moan to escape her throat. But as Maggie tempted her lips to part, Judy became aware of something: her face was getting wet, but it didn't taste like saliva. It was bitter, almost metallic, and tasted like...BLOOD! Maggie obviously tasted it too as she and Judy sprang apart at the same time, both of them shocked and slightly disgusted.

Judy's suspicions were confirmed as she wiped her hand across her lips to try and get the foul taste off of them, for her hand came back streaked red. Spluttering, Judy looked up at Maggie, and her heart almost stopped.

Blood was pouring from Maggie's nostrils at a tremendous force. It reminded Judy of a waterfall. What was happening to her?

Maggie's eyes widened in horror as she saw the blood smeared across Judy's lips, nose and chin, her hand instinctively touching her own. It took no longer than a second for her fingers to become drenched in blood, which was running down her chin and dripping onto her nightdress. Maggie's bloody nightdress gave her the appearance of someone who had just been stabbed in the chest.

"Why is my nose bleeding, Judy?" Maggie asked with an air of childlike innocence. Her voice trembled, but her facial expression was one of confusion, at the moment anyway, rather than fear. Reflexively, Maggie's tongue licked across her lips, but this caused her to almost vomit as she swallowed the blood it found.

Judy didn't understand any more than Maggie did. Noses didn't pour with blood like this for no reason; there had to be a cause, didn't there? It wasn't as if she had hit Maggie on the nose, or Maggie had blown her nose too hard - it just started for no reason whatsoever. For Judy, now so scared her hands were shaking, this was just further proof that Maggie was ill. A nosebleed this bad wouldn't happen to someone healthy, she knew it.

"I don't know, Maggie," Was all she could manage to say. She wanted to have an explanation as much as Maggie did, but she was totally clueless.

Neither of them spoke after that; they were silent as Judy helped Maggie to her feet and steered her into the bathroom, making sure Maggie held her hand under her chin to stop blood dripping onto the carpet. This wasn't really the time to be worrying about their carpet, but Judy knew that Maggie would moan her head off at a later date if she found a blood stain on the white carpet. Once they were safely off of the carpet, Maggie picked her nose in the way she had been taught in first aid years ago, and, remembering what else she had been taught, she then tipped her head back sharply. Judy knew that this was a bad thing to do, but, before she could tell Maggie to stop, blood ran down Maggie's throat and she heaved violently, her face draining of all colour.

From a distance, this would have looked like it was going to be a typical 'Maggie projectile vomiting over everyone and everything' situation, but Judy could see the fear and pain written on Maggie's face as she heaved again, and knew that this was something much more serious. She carefully rubbed Maggie's back as she hunched awkwardly over the toilet bowl, vomiting up scarlet blood. Having her head tipped so far forwards made even more blood than before run out of her nose and into the bowl, leaving the water as red as paint. When Maggie had finally finished throwing up, she flopped backwards weakly, having to rely on the bathtub to keep her upright. Her nose was still bleeding horrifically. The bright red blood covering most of her face below her eyes was a hideous contrast to her clammy skin; in fact, the blood made her look even paler.

Without speaking, Judy moved one of Maggie's bloody, and surprisingly cold, hands and got Maggie to pinch her nose again. She made sure to tilt Maggie's head forwards this time, letting the blood run down Maggie's face instead of her throat. Although doing this was probably unnecessary (for it was likely Maggie had learned her lesson after tipping her head backwards), Judy didn't want to take any chances at the same thing happening again.

If this had been a normal nosebleed (but Judy knew that it wasn't just by looking at the face at which the blood was flowing from Maggie's nostrils), they both knew that it should stop after a few minutes, ten at the most. But over twenty minutes later, Maggie's nosebleed was showing no signs of stopping. If anything, it was getting worse. Maggie's head was throbbing and the blood loss was making her horribly light headed: she only had to move her head slightly for her vision to blur and the whole bathroom to spin. It was obvious that shock was beginning to develop, for her heart rate was getting slower by the minute, and Maggie now looked so sweaty she could have been mistaken for someone who had just got out of a swimming pool. Her hand trembled violently as she tried to pinch her nose, which was difficult as her hands were slippery with blood.

Over on the other side of the bathroom, Judy was leaning against the sink to steady herself (she still felt quite light headed), trying to scrub the blood from her face. She wasn't doing it very well, though, because her eyes were focused on Maggie, watching her condition deteriorate. Judy's mind was once again full of horrible images, which weren't helped by the fact that Maggie looked so awful. She kept telling herself that Maggie looked really bad, regardless of the blood loss. Which was true, because when she thought about it, it once again became obvious to her how, even if she wasn't rapidly losing blood, Maggie would still have seemed just as ill. Judy saw how pale Maggie had become, made worse by the dark bags under her eyes, and remembered the night sweats and breathlessness. She stared intently at the rash on Maggie's face and neck, still puzzled by what was causing it. She saw how Maggie looked slightly thinner, something that only she would have noticed, for Maggie was never one to weight or measure herself. She saw that Maggie was seriously ill.

For the first time, all of Judy's worrying seemed justified. It was like she was seeing things in a new light. It was true, she knew it: Maggie Blackamore was seriously ill.

But what if Maggie had _it_? What if she had c-. No, she couldn't think like that. She knew it was serious, but not _that_ serious. It couldn't be.

Judy knew that she had to stop worrying, and start being practical.

"Okay, Maggie," She began as calmly as she could. Crouching down beside her, Judy took Maggie's free, but bloody, hand. Before her words had even left her mouth, Judy already knew what Maggie's reaction was going to be, but she still said it anyway. "I think you need to go to hospital."

Maggie froze, her whole body visibly jolting as though she had been electrocuted. Her weak heartbeat became rapid again, drumming through her body so loudly she could hear it in her ears. She wanted to be sick again just at the thought of being surrounded by doctors. She had to stop Judy in her tracks, and fast. "Don't be absurd, Judy. I don't need to go to hospital." She said it firmly, her voice very thick like she had a cold.

"But - but you've lost so much blood," Judy insisted, trying to keep her voice steady. Why was Maggie so stubborn?

"I don't want to burden the hospital -" She struggled to say the word, her voice cracking slightly as she said it. "- with a non-emergency. You know what their waiting times are like." Maggie sighed in mock exasperation, trying to smile fondly. Judy could see that the smile was forced, because it didn't reach Maggie's eyes.

"But it is an emergency."

"No it's not, it's only a nosebleed, Judy." Maggie pulled a face that said she thought Judy was an idiot.

Judy tugged lightly on Maggie's sleeve."Come on, Maggie," She pleaded, but Maggie broke free of Judy's grip.

"No, I don't want to," Despite her defiant exterior, Maggie was doing a poor job at disguising her fear.

"But-"

"No, Judy!" Maggie suddenly shouted, making Judy jump. "I'm fine. Just leave me ALONE!"

Judy's head jerked as if Maggie had slapped her. She felt her lip tremble, and her eyes began to sting. She hated being yelled at, especially by Maggie. Having to swallow hard to get rid of the lump in her throat, Judy said softly, "Yes, Maggie." She sounded defeated, and slowly got to her feet and walked away, hanging her head. But as soon as she had left the room, Judy hurried down the stairs as quietly as she could, and dialled 999.

She didn't really remember what happened after she pressed the '9' button on the phone three times, all she knew was it was a lot of panicking and the ambulance dispatcher trying to calm her down. He was clearly worried about Judy, for she sounded hysterical, and wouldn't let her hand up once she had given him all of the necessary information. Judy was made to do a load of breathing exercises and answer random questions: all attempts at stopping her hyperventilating. Once she managed to calm down as much as possible given the situation, Judy realised that she was cold, but wondered why, because they had the central heating on. She had to tuck the phone awkwardly between her chin and shoulder, but Judy managed to pull on her thick cardigan without dropping the phone. She hugged herself tightly, but kept shivering.

Even though it couldn't have been more than ten minutes, the wait for the ambulance seemed to stretch into hours for Judy. Although he was getting on her nerves, Judy was actually quite glad that she had to keep talking to the ambulance dispatcher, because it distracted her from thinking about Maggie and what might happen to her. In fact, he only allowed her to put the phone down when she heard the sirens of the approaching ambulance.

The sirens seemed deafeningly loud to Judy, and she covered her ears as the noise grew closer and closer. Which was when it occurred to Judy, that if she could hear the sirens, Maggie could too.

"Judy!" Maggie yelled, as if on cue. Her thick voice was mingled with rage and terror. It sounded like she would have killed Judy if she was close enough.

Judy luckily didn't have time to reply, for she had to answer the door for two paramedics: a middle aged man and a young woman. They both smiled reassuringly and followed Judy upstairs to where Maggie was slumped beside the toilet, her head lolling semi consciously against the edge of the bathtub. If it was possible, Judy thought Maggie looked even worse than earlier. Both of the paramedics must have been shocked at the sight of Maggie's face and previously white nightdress, for they were absolutely drenched in blood. But, unlike Judy, they both did a very god job at not reacting.

Maggie looked up at Judy and her companions, and froze, any colour left in her clammy face draining. They were going to take her to hospital, she knew it. Just thinking about that place made her pulse race crazily. Her throat constricted; she looked, and felt, ready to faint. Why had Judy done this? Why couldn't she just leave her alone?

The female paramedic crouched down beside her, guessing that Maggie was scared of her. Her voice was calm and reassuring when she spoke. "You must be Ms Blackamore,"

Maggie barely grunted in response, focusing her energy on shuffling her weak body away from the paramedic next to her.

"I'm Georgia," She continued, still managing to smile at Maggie. She reached out to put her hand on Maggie's shoulder, but Maggie flinched at her touch. Her eyes widened fearfully, and Georgia hurriedly let go of her. But she managed to carry on speaking as though it hadn't happened. "And Rob-" She nodded at the male paramedic stood beside a still shivering Judy. "- and I need to check you out, is that okay?"

"No," Maggie muttered without looking at her.

"She's scared of doctors and hospitals." Judy whispered discreetly to Rob and Georgia, but Maggie still heard her.

She glared up at Judy for saying it, hating her for putting her through this. And, anyway, she was fully capable of speaking for herself.

Georgia explained in a voice that made made Maggie want to slap her that they were paramedics, not doctors, and were only trying to help. When Maggie pointed out that they still going to take her to hospital, she agreed that, yes, they were, but it was for her own good. Maggie begged to differ.

Maggie realised that there was no way out of this situation, and began to feel trapped. She hated them all looming over her, and wished that they would all go away. Meeting Judy's nervous gaze for the first time since she'd brought the paramedics into the room, Maggie suddenly cried, "Oh, Judy, what have you done?!" She began to sob pitifully, trying to hide her head in her hands.

Maggie wasn't like Judy, who cried all the time; she always managed to control her emotions until she was alone. In fact, she had only cried in front of Judy once before, and that had been when her mother died. So now, as she sobbed her heart out, Maggie felt, and most likely looked, utterly weak and pathetic. So pathetic that when Judy pulled her into a hug, getting blood smeared all over her face in the process, Maggie didn't pull away, hanging limply in Judy's arms. She was totally exhausted, like there was no energy left in her body. It was even an enormous effort to breathe.

"You need help, Maggie," Judy said into Maggie's hair, her voice muffled. "And these two can give it to you. Nothing bad will happen, I promise." And Maggie knew that Judy always kept her promises.

But she still wanted nothing more than to get away from the paramedics - no, she wished she'd never got this awful nosebleed, that she'd never started getting all of those terrifying symptoms, that everything would just to back to normal.

Maggie used to hate normality; it was too bland and repetitive for her liking. But now, as Judy cradled her sobbing frame in a pool of her own blood on the bathroom floor, Maggie longed for the stability and security that she hadn't know for weeks. She wanted her old life back.

But even she, someone famous for her denial, knew that wasn't going to happen.


End file.
